haven't blogged for awhile so i thought i'd toss something out there. and i have the same problem i always do; i have everything to say and nothing to say. or perhaps i'm paralyzed by volume. or hate how slow i type. or feel that no matter how hard i try i'll never say things the way i really want to. or maybe i just like to bitch. yep, that's it.
i can feel for all ya'll out there in cyber land asking the deep spiritual questions, blake , palmer , blinn et all. i think the answer's are hard. well earned. we have allot of suffering to live through before it starts getting clearer. Yahweh is slowly breaking our hearts. so they're broken the way His is broken: a survivor of a million betrayals. just like little kids we're still asking "why". and just like little kids we forget the answers and the process starts all over again. anyone who claims to have all the answers is full of shit. even Jesus never claimed to have all the answers. i'm beginning to think we don't even know what the questions are. thanks phill for reminding us to seek the Lord our god. seek Jesus and seek community. dammit, we're trying. so what can we do? we can live. with our broken hearts and unanswered questions. we live to know more than we knew the previous day. know how to love better. know Truth better. know each other and ourselves better. and when i say know i mean know in the biblical since of a man "knowing" a woman. the way Yahweh Knows us. intimately, deeply, holistically. in a way that's familial. and by now most of you are getting real uncomfortable reading this and thinking to yourselves; does he mean sexually? well, no and yes. all i'm saying is we need to get past all the bull shit and get down to the nitty gritty and start living the Kingdom of Heaven with each other. blake, you've been asking how we're salt and light? it's by being not doing. " but Jesus didn't we do this cool thing or that miraculous thing or build this amazing thing all in your name?" Jesus just looks up from drawing in the sand and says "who the hell are you? i don't know you. get out of here, now!" and all we've got are a bunch of pats on the back, press releases and 501-C3s. we don't have the kingdom, we certainly don't have Jesus. i think the whole outreach, evangelistic social program question at this point in time is like getting the cart before the horse; we can put a bunch o nice shit in it but we sure as hell aren't going anywhere. we can't even be obedient enough to truly be the Kingdom with each other i.e. present an alternative reality and society to the world around us little-lone take that beyond our spiritual communities to a world that's intellectually ready to tear us a perverbial new one. we gotta come with something true, something real, authentic. we are the kingdom already, they are the Kingdom not yet. can we live up to this challenge or will we default to writing tithe checks and giving out groceries once a week? if we're not allowing the Kingdom reality to transform and/or challenge EVERY ASPECT OF OUR LIVES then we have no business trying to save anybody else. not perfection just obedience. and boy am i glad i can't activate my comments. not after a rant like that. well that's all i got. if you want to respond, do on your bloggs and i'll be checking in. night, night.

love,
michael tawd

have a blessed advent session (psst. the king is here.) and a mind blowing epiphany!


Godspeed is actual,

michael tawd

well as usual it's been awhile. don't want to shock any one too much by blogging consistently. if you've been reading hope's blog then your pretty well up to speed as to the big events in our lives lately.

we've renewed our house hunt afresh. matt blinn and i went to see a couple of houses yesterday. we're still trying to pin down our strategy. buying a house big enough for a bunch of crazy jesus followers to live in with a limited budget in north campus while a crapper full of ravenous property investors are gobbling up everything in site ain't easy. other than that our community is engaged in the process of writing vows or a covenant or the like. we want to commit to one another as the family of jesus; really begin to knit our lives together. it's important that we really promise not to be or do anything without the inclusion of our spiritual family into the process.

sef dechristopher and myself have joined forces to do design and renovation under the working title "Shakkei, creative living environments" not sure if we'll keep the name or not. if i ever get my comments working you can let me know what you think. we're currently teaching ourselves asian architecture and interior design. as well as modern (mid-century) design. and our portfolio is growing quickly. we've got a few other things in the works and i'll post about that stuff as i'm able. the other partner that we might be working with doesn't want to go public with our plan just yet. we are however processing the whole thing with our spiritual communities as to not make any dumb decisions.

that's about it for now. next post i'll try to be more intellectual and theoretical. i'd like to process a bunch of theology and crap i've been thinking about lately. until then, keep rawkn'!

michael tawd

yep yep . it's me again. just testing to see if my comments are enabled. 3...2...1... and begin test!!
CRAP!!! ok ok i'll ferret out the techno culprit and see if we can't get this figuered out.

Do you love Christ,
King Jesus, is he yours?
Then love God more
and burn with love.
Hold fast the light he gives,
live thou for him,
believer, hold him high.

-Aiden

i think that one of the things that i like most about the celtic christian tradition is it's comfort with the paradox of the redeemed humanity. the already and the not yet. the reality that we are called to be holy, set apart. yet can only do it through the grace and strength of the Holy Spirit. always being forgiven. always striving to have less to be forgiven for.

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy.

michael tawd

ps. i'm listening to the new planes mistaken for stars album "up in them guts". it's sooo good. their last album "fuck with fire" is also soooo amazing. y'all should check it.

despite the fact that i feel just a bit physically nauseous (was it dinner?) i love coming to the shi-sha and enjoying a good latte and hooka. although smoking one by myself whilst reading an engrossing book on church history is probably ill advised. never the less i feel blessed just to have the alone time to read and contemplate. the book in question is Novak's book entitled "Christianity and the Roman Empire". exceptional so far. it's required reading for underground and is really stoking my fire. i'm pretty stoked to be back in full effect in our little seminary now that my brief flirtation with becoming a body piercer has come to an end. i just couldn't justify working 60+ hours a week (a third of which was non paying) for a year to two to do something that may or may not allow me to support my family and do other important things involving my spiritual family (man i love these hyper links). so sef and i are embarking on a partnership in modern design based home renovation. it should be a fun adventure. well i think it's time i head home and dispel the evil from my body.

hugs and kisses,

michael tawd

btw i'm also reading brom stoker's Dracula. it kicks ass.

thank you, thank you matt blinn for helping me make my blog more rad! i'm learning new things all the time. just a quick post before bed time. and just to let you all know that i'm trying to sort through how i want to use this blog. right now i think that the 2 fold purpose will be to keep all of you who have been following mine and hope's church planting antics with the landing place up to speed as to what we're doing and also just to put down on "paper" all the thoughts that are rolling around in my wee little head. so your either going to get nice informative news as to what we're up to or lambasted with politics, theology, etc, etc. . . and probably some cussing. and maybe a little poetry.

well, i'm tired. love to you all. good night.

michael tawd

ps. i know i don't use capitals. i like it that way.

have you ever had one of those days where you felt as though you had nothing to offer the world around you? no real skills, no original or creative thought, no art, no strength, no desire, no passion, nothing? well, i'm having one of those months (or has it been years?). i'm questioning the whole job thing yet again. only a month or so into my piercing apprenticeship and i'm already questioning that choice. and something has definetly got to change in the renovation buisness. either i get a partner or work for somebody else. i don't even know if i can support my family working a normal construction job.

i wish i could be the maintenence man for a radical housing co-op. or start a buisness with a collective based on a participatory economic model. just something to explore the alternative. instead of hustling my way through the system.

yeah. damn The Man.

my knife is to my throat,
michael tawd