haven't blogged for awhile so i thought i'd toss something out there. and i have the same problem i always do; i have everything to say and nothing to say. or perhaps i'm paralyzed by volume. or hate how slow i type. or feel that no matter how hard i try i'll never say things the way i really want to. or maybe i just like to bitch. yep, that's it.
i can feel for all ya'll out there in cyber land asking the deep spiritual questions, blake , palmer , blinn et all. i think the answer's are hard. well earned. we have allot of suffering to live through before it starts getting clearer. Yahweh is slowly breaking our hearts. so they're broken the way His is broken: a survivor of a million betrayals. just like little kids we're still asking "why". and just like little kids we forget the answers and the process starts all over again. anyone who claims to have all the answers is full of shit. even Jesus never claimed to have all the answers. i'm beginning to think we don't even know what the questions are. thanks phill for reminding us to seek the Lord our god. seek Jesus and seek community. dammit, we're trying. so what can we do? we can live. with our broken hearts and unanswered questions. we live to know more than we knew the previous day. know how to love better. know Truth better. know each other and ourselves better. and when i say know i mean know in the biblical since of a man "knowing" a woman. the way Yahweh Knows us. intimately, deeply, holistically. in a way that's familial. and by now most of you are getting real uncomfortable reading this and thinking to yourselves; does he mean sexually? well, no and yes. all i'm saying is we need to get past all the bull shit and get down to the nitty gritty and start living the Kingdom of Heaven with each other. blake, you've been asking how we're salt and light? it's by being not doing. " but Jesus didn't we do this cool thing or that miraculous thing or build this amazing thing all in your name?" Jesus just looks up from drawing in the sand and says "who the hell are you? i don't know you. get out of here, now!" and all we've got are a bunch of pats on the back, press releases and 501-C3s. we don't have the kingdom, we certainly don't have Jesus. i think the whole outreach, evangelistic social program question at this point in time is like getting the cart before the horse; we can put a bunch o nice shit in it but we sure as hell aren't going anywhere. we can't even be obedient enough to truly be the Kingdom with each other i.e. present an alternative reality and society to the world around us little-lone take that beyond our spiritual communities to a world that's intellectually ready to tear us a perverbial new one. we gotta come with something true, something real, authentic. we are the kingdom already, they are the Kingdom not yet. can we live up to this challenge or will we default to writing tithe checks and giving out groceries once a week? if we're not allowing the Kingdom reality to transform and/or challenge EVERY ASPECT OF OUR LIVES then we have no business trying to save anybody else. not perfection just obedience. and boy am i glad i can't activate my comments. not after a rant like that. well that's all i got. if you want to respond, do on your bloggs and i'll be checking in. night, night.

love,
michael tawd